What's Positive?

Well hello...

So there's a lot that's in this brain of mine. Somethings I want to share, others I do not. I've had a rough few days, but with every day passing, they become less and less rough. I feel that I can't or don't really want to talk to anybody about this shit that's going on. For one, I have been truly humbled to certain suggestions or advise that has been given to me. The humbling part is that I didn't listen and now I feel that I am going through unnecessary pain. Pain that complicates my process of achieve my inner-peace and happiness. I talked to people before about this shit and I went against others' opinions and tried to follow my heart even though my gut was warning me. It seems that when I do talk I get the same story...an appreciated story that is meant to make me feel better, but it's not really what I want to hear. I want to hear that everything is going to be alright and work themselves out...the way I want them to. I've got to realize though that everything will be alright and will work themselves out...just not the way I want them to right now. I now these clouds will pass and I'll understand what's in store for me in the future...when the future becomes the present. For now though, I fall back into dwelling on things that were said, wonders of things out of my control. Both of which, get me toward an very unhappy state. What do I have to be happy about is the real question? There is only one thing that is upsetting me today. There's only one TEMPORARILY bad thing in my life. That one TEMPORARILY bad thing is surrounded by an endless supply of PERMANENT good things. Permanent as long as I continue doing what I'm doing...and continue I shall. You know, it's amazing just how much my feelings are shown on the outside. I don't need to talk about things that are bothering me in order for people to know that there is something wrong. What's even more amazing is how much my demeanor can affect other people. If I'm feeling great, that greatness is sensed and shared with others. If I'm miserable, that misery, unfortunately, is passed on to others. I really never realized that until a friend let me know yesterday. Thank you to you. What else? Well, my Dad could tell that I was upset. He knew why. He tried to open the door a few times, but I didn't open up. Yesterday, he directly said to me that I was there for me to listen...that made my day brighter. Knowing he's there, gives me that little extra support when needed. Again yesterday, I came to another positive realization. I've made a friend. This person and I have been going through the same thing. Originally, this person came to me for sober advise because she respects me...WOW! ME! SOBER-ADVICE! RESPECT! 9 months ago that would have never happened (as I smile as I type that). Well, it's funny that I was giving her advise, but when it was time for me to take my own...BAHAHAHA...NO DICE!!! You know what? With her help and reminders to take what I've given...I have been and it has made things a touch better. Everybody knows I like friends...and I've got a new one. That also makes me happy.
It's crazy, I've written that when I'm left to my own mind that I can drive myself into a dark state. There is the other side of that as well. When I'm getting really sad, I begin thinking about writing and everything that I want to put into these entries. I've done it all day long every single one of these past few days of roughness. Every time, I begin feeling better, but when it's time to write...I forget the majority of what I want to share...LOL!!! That means laugh out loud even though I wasn't really doing that...still funny as shit though...(that just made me giggle). Anywho, there is a lot in me still, but I have to go to a much needed meeting since I haven't been since two Thursdays ago. All of you know that between writing this out and going to this meeting tonight that I'll be feeling like a million...no...billion bucks afterward. Look, I can see the sun peeking through already...